1. Stop faking your fucking orgasms. Society already tells young men that they run the fucking universe - if they can’t turn your cunt into a shooting star then for god’s sake, let them know about it.
2. Once you’ve stopped faking your fucking orgasms, use this newfound honesty throughout the rest of your life - stop ordering coffee you don’t actually like; stop sitting at a desk and allowing people to treat you like shit in the hopes that a meek attitude will earn you a promotion (it won’t); stop telling people they can finish your food when you’re not actually done yet. These may seem petty, but they add up, just like every orgasm you didn’t actually get to have.
3. If you wanna dance all night, dance all fucking night. Dance all night even if you have work in the morning. The worst that will happen is you’ll drink RedBull all day and look like a zombie - pass it off as a head cold to the real zombies you work with and flick through the embarrassing photos you’re being tagged in as you pretend to take a shit for some peace and quiet. I promise, you’ll remember dancing all night in ten years, not the suspicious way your boss looked at you that morning.
4. If your ass looks big in that, that’s a good thing.
5. You will never be as young as you are this second. Embrace it.
6. Embrace the fact that you’re going to get older. Ask your boyfriend if he will still love you when you’re seventy and your tits are down to your knees. Look forward to this time - seventy year old women are allowed to do pretty much whatever they want, and no-one can stop them. You can carry candy in your bag and not share it with a single soul. You can stay home all day and cross-stitch expletives onto handkerchiefs for your grandchildren and slip them under the table out of sight of the people you raised. You can drink whisky at 10am. Every phase of your life is going to be amazing for different reasons. Embrace that.
7. A lot of people will pretend to love Bukowski. Don’t pretend to love Bukowski if you don’t love Bukowski. It’s overplayed and no-one will mind if you actually like Virginia Andrews instead - the people who do mind are boring.
He is so ugly and annoying.
no, he is fab
NO HAYMITCH IS ONE OF THE BEST CHARACTERS IN THG. THAT MAN WENT THROUGH SO MUCH. AFTER HE WON THE GAMES, THEY KILLED HIS FAMILY. HE HAD NO ONE REALLY UNTIL THESE TWO KIDS CAME AROUND. HE WAS ALWAYS DRUNK BECAUSE HE HAD FUCKING NO ONE. THATS HOW HE GOT RID OF HIS NIGHTMARES AND THE PAIN BY DRINKING. THATS WHY KATNISS GOT DRUNK IN CF WITH HAYMITCH AFTER SHE FOUND SHE WAS GOING BACK INTO THE ARENA. HE STARTED THE WHOLE STAR CROSSED LOVERS THING TO MAKE SURE KATNISS OR PEETA WOULD WIN THE GAMES BECAUSE HE CARED FOR THEM. HAYMITCH LITERALLY WENT THROUGH SO MUCH AND HIS CHARACTER IS SO COMPLEX SO NO HES NOT UGLY OR ANNOYING. HE IS FAB JUST LIKE E-VERDEEN SAID GOODBYE
NOT TO MENTION HE WAS THE WINNER OF THE QUARTER QUELL SO HE HAD TO WATCH TWICE AS MANY PEOPLE DIE IN HIS GAMES NOT TO MENTION ALL THE DISTRICT 12 TRIBUTES THAT COME BEFORE KATNISS AND PEETA SO FUCK YOU
YES and can we all remember that when he says he’s there “for the refreshments” he’s just making light of his situation. He’s actually there because he has no choice, because as the only living Victor of District 12 the Capitol fucking force him to return to the games as mentor year after year. Can you imagine what it’s like watching two kids from your district who are under your protection get butchered every year, and knowing that even if you moved heaven and earth to try and protect them they don’t have the faintest chance of survival against the Careers? No wonder he numbs the pain with alcohol, and pushes everyone (particularly the Tributes) away from him, because HE KNOWS HOW DANGEROUS IT IS TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. His mother, brother and girlfriend were MURDERED by President Snow just because Haymitch had the audacity to use his wits to survive the Quarter Quell. Caring about others has only ever brought him agony and loss. But you know what’s so fucking awesome about Haymitch? When he realises that despite everything, Katniss actually has a chance of doing well in the Games, he cleans up his act and tries his absolute best to help and protect her and Peeta. He grows to care for them, despite how dangerous he knows that to be. Yes he is cynical, and bitter, and self-destructive. Yes, he is an addict. But many people in his position would have probably killed themselves or lost their minds completely, but in the end he finds the courage fight back against the people who stole his life from him. The Capitol may have wounded him beyond all hope of repair but they didn’t break him, not completely. So don’t you ever try to tell me that Haymitch Abernathy is not a strong and brilliant character because I got no time for that shit.